Throughout my blog there are little bookmarks, mini milestones if you will, not always visible to people who don't know me or my life that well, but that serve to remind me of where certain things were at, at a certain time. Feelings or events that I usually don't want to talk about or expand upon publicly but which I know I want to be able remind myself of how they fit into everything else going on at the time. This is one such post.
What I saw was the human relationship equivalent of a car crash. A write-off. Standing on the outside, I was mesmerized by the horror of it, of the pain of those involved. I was in shock. I wanted to vomit, I swallowed it down. But I couldn't tear myself away because I needed to know how it could have happened, how damaged the victims were and whether they would have the strength to live through it. I realized that I would be walking away unscathed, all my limbs intact, thankful for the good fortune not to be involved. Appreciative of everything I had. However, I also knew I would keep looking back, wondering what on earth I could do to help? To make things better... I continue to walk my own path, still wondering...
It's nice when you are able to go back to the "memory folder" and...remember those moments.
"Standing on the outside" of a situation like the one you describe can be also traumatic in many ways.
But nothing can describe the pain of those involved in the "car crash"! It's so painful!
...I'm still bleeding...!
Posted by: spartacus | May 21, 2004 at 05:13 PM
Spartacus - I too am a survivor.
Posted by: tokyoredhed | May 22, 2004 at 08:43 AM
I went through your blog this week, the whole shebang. What can I say? What would like to hear? Let's spin it this way ... you're interesting, somewhat eccentric, yet a normal, typical woman doing the best you can in a most foreign of foreign lands. Moreoever, you're talented, or more specifically, those little fingers of yours that type the witty, entertaining words that entice us readers to come back again and again.
Regarding memories and the relationship wreck that you have taken notice of. We all see things like this at one time or another, and the desire to say something is that small grain in the shoe, the unpleasant rub that refuses to go away. Yet, as you and nearly everyone else knows, best to stay silent and let things fall as they will. What's more a trainwreck to you may not be all that is presents itself to be. Tread carefully. As you mentioned, you are not involved, though certainly concerned.
Posted by: potomac | May 22, 2004 at 11:13 AM
Potomac - firstly, thanks for tuning in. I think I said this in a previous post but I'm always pleasantly freaked in a "gee" "shucks" kind of way, when someone new reads and pipes up. Regarding the other issue, it's not my intention to go into detail but I should admit that I'm not the innocent, unharmed bystander in this accident that perhaps the post suggests. However it is very true that I can walk away... Thanks again.
Posted by: tokyoredhed | May 22, 2004 at 06:14 PM
*hug*
Posted by: Frank Black | May 22, 2004 at 07:55 PM
Gratefully accepted Frank.
Posted by: tokyoredhed | May 23, 2004 at 11:02 AM